


Gentle Soul

by ileos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, anxiety mentioning, depression mentioning, just fluffy, or at least Bokuto is super in love with akaashi, their "relationship" is only hinted at
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 03:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13158411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ileos/pseuds/ileos
Summary: "Only the gentle are ever truly strong." - James Dean





	Gentle Soul

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first contribution to the Haikyuu!! Fandom and I really hope it turned out okay!
> 
> To be honest, i didn't plan to upload it at first. I was hit by depression and I wanted to 'write my way out' of it. And so I did. This little something here started the day I felt exceptionally bad and was finished the day I started to feel better. I didn't even intend this to actually turn into something.
> 
> Anyway: Here is some slightly hinted BokuAka for you!
> 
> (I'm not a native english-speaker. I'm from germany so if there are some mistakes, please don't be too cruel with me and point them out to me instead.)

_“Only the gentle are ever really strong.”_

 

A simple quote brought to the people by James Dean. To be honest, Akaashi did only know this man by name, couldn’t remember if he possibly ever watched a movie with him in it. Only this quote, some words he picked up online, stuck with him since he first read them.

 

It was probably stupid to overthink words like that. But on the other hand, maybe a lot more people should start to overthink and overanalyze things they have read online. Because this was the only way to start to understand them. Not just comprehending, but understanding on a much deeper level than it was possible at first.

 

Sometimes, a sentence, a scene or a part of a song you’ve never really paid close attention to, starts to whirl around your head more and more. Like a catchy record, playing over and over again, with each time the record stops and starts anew you notice something different. Like watching a movie over and over and you start to notice small details that you usually missed.

 

This, however, was a bit more complex than that.

 

He has been observing Bokuto, his captain and good friend, since he had first seen him. In the beginning, he seemed like an idiot. Not in a bad way, but he seemed rather immature for someone who was older than himself. He had always been energetic, loud and childish in a way. This was the first picture, Akaashi had made of their captain.

 

With time, he saw more and more parts of Bokuto. How friendly he was, how good he was at simple tasks, at unnecessary tasks - like catching a few dozen grapes with his mouth without dropping one - and how good he was at reading people. It was truly incredible and probably one of his most amazing traits. Sometimes it felt like this boy was able to read Akaashi’s mind. Just like that.

 

It all started out with small gestures. Akaashi was hungry, had forgotten his lunch, and Bokuto came up to him and offered some of his own to the black-haired. Another time, when Akaashi could feel himself getting more exhausted, but didn’t give it much more thought, Bokuto asked him - seemingly out of nothing - to take a seat and keep it low.

 

And then there was this time, where Akaashi was suddenly, yet again, hit by depression. Feeling low, feeling weird and feeling worthless at the same time. Life was hard. It was the first time though, being like this around the team he grew to love over the months they had spent together. Nobody seemed to notice even the slightest change in the black-haired’s behavior. Nobody bothered to ask.

 

He was playing his role perfectly.

Or so it seemed.

 

__

 

The day had been cold, probably the coldest day in the whole winter. But he could remember that he felt warm. Hot even in the gym with all of his teammates giving their best in training. With him, trying so hard to fill the expectations that followed, when one was a regular in his first year.

 

He remembered just how much he had been sweating, and how hard it had gotten to breathe in and out, like his body was used to for around 16 years already.

 

In and out. But it was hard. Far too hard. In- he stopped, his breath shaking. Out - again, he tried to take a shaking breath in and stopped yet again. His throat was shut tight. His body suddenly forgetting how to keep going, how to get the fuel it needs, and then it remembered, like a punch in the face, and he took another breath too harsh and too fast.

 

Still, he made his tosses. Still he made himself worth for the team and the training they needed. Hitching breath and shut throats whatsoever.

 

And he probably would have gotten away unnoticed with his anxiety, with his mind wandering off to dark places, he didn’t want to enter yet again. If it wasn’t for their captain, sneaking up to the setter after practice, smiling widely like he always did. Asking him if he had a minute, if he could wait with him till everyone was gone. Akaashi, who was confused, more anxious and even more wishing himself home, nodded regardless.

 

The time it took for everyone to leave the gym was slowly, like in slow-motion, passing by, and Akaashi could feel his palms getting sweatier by the second. He tried to think rational in this situation. The worst thing Bokuto would tell him, was that he was lacking in performance this day. He would give him a warning up most. Or would he? Keiji tried hard to keep his thoughts rational, the way he always kept hem. But as the door after the last one of their teammates closed, he could feel his heart skipping a beat, could feel it sinking down into his knees, out of his chest. This was bad.

 

Akaashi remembered how Bokuto turned around to face him, still a smile on his lips, but the same smile dropping as soon as he looked into his setter’s face. Akaashi wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong, he looked like always, didn’t he?

 

He remembered how Bokuto took another step closer towards Akaashi, but he couldn’t quite remember if he flinched away, or if he was standing straight, awaiting what to come. But Bokuto was standing right in front of him, eyeing him all over with those bright eyes of his. And then he said the words Akaashi did least expect in that moment.

 

_“How bad is it?”_

 

_“H-huh? What?”_

 

Akaashi was, needless to say, dumbfounded, looking up to his captain with a confused look on his pretty features.

 

_“How bad is it, Akaashi?”_

 

_“Is… what?”_

 

For a moment, Bokuto was quiet, searching for the right answer, scratching the back of his head awkwardly with one hand, before he finally looked down to his setter again, meeting Akaashi’s gaze once again.

 

_“L-Look… I know… that… uhm…”_

 

He wasn’t quite there yet, but Akaashi was willing to wait.

 

_“...You’re anxious, aren’t you?”_

 

And that was the sentence, that hit Keiji like a train. He went pale all of a sudden, all color vanishing from his features until a heat-wave struck in again. His face was on fire, and his heart was beating just a notch too fast to still be comfortable in his chest.

 

_“I.. Bokuto-san, I’m fine. Thank you for worrying about me though. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night as it seems.”_

 

Of course he would try to avoid a talk like that. Of course he wouldn’t admit it. Of course he would avoid Bokuto’s gaze.

 

_“I think I should head home now.”_

 

And with that, Akaashi was turning around, quickly fetching his jacket that was usually neatly placed on top of the bench, but now just laying there, carelessly thrown over it. He could feel his throat tightening more as he was thinking about the symbolism and his behavior in a whole for a second and then, so he remembered, he felt Bokuto’s hand gentle wrapping around his wrist. And he remembered, that he turned around with a shocked expression on his face as he felt Bokuto taking also his other hand in his own. His sweaty palms against Bokuto’s rough ones.

 

And his breathing became uneven yet again. It became uneven as he watched just how gently Bokuto’s thumbs ran over his knuckles. His vision getting more and more blurry by the second.

 

_“... It’s okay. Really. It’s going to be okay. And I won’t let you leave until you smile at me. For real.”_

And just then, as Akaashi’s gaze went up to meet Bokuto’s again, that was the moment, where he broke. He could feel his eyes filling up more and more with tears, his vision now only reduced to sillhouettes and shadows, as he squeezed them shut and leapt forward to wrap his arms around his captain’s broad shoulders and neck.

 

Keiji felt Koutarou’s strong arms wrap around him, pulling him even closer. And even though he couldn’t look into his captain’s face, there was a certainty lingering inside of him, that there was - by far - the softest and most gentle smile possible on Bokuto’s features.

 

_“It’s okay. It will pass. You hear me? It’s all going to be okay… I’m here… and you know that. Next time you can just come up to me and talk. Okay? And.. if you want to be more subtle, just throw a ball at my head. Got it?”_

 

Akaashi was sniffing, his whole face wet of tears (and now Bokuto’s shirt too), but there was a soft and amused sound leaving his throat, followed by a quiet sob.

 

_“H-how… is that more subtle, Bokuto-San?”_

 

And there it was, that soft and infectious laugh that was so full of life, so clear and just so … Bokuto. Just enough to put a smile on Akaashi’s lips, before his features, yet again, tensed up and more and more tears left his eyes, holding on even tighter on Bokuto. As if he was drowning and Bokuto was air.

 

He also remembered that they stood there for a long time, Bokuto even walked him home, talked to him in such a stupid and soft manner, that was just so him. So shining and so gentle, that it broke Akaashi’s heart more that day and at the same time, it mended it again.

 

__

 

That, however, was one of those times, where Akaashi felt so much closer to Bokuto. And it was that time, where he felt just how strong his captain was.

 

But he possibly couldn’t expect what would happen, when he was the last one of their team to leave the locker room, and get back into the gym since he forgot his jacket in there. And just as Keiji took a step inside the gym, the door pushed aside and his heart skipping a beat as he saw his captain still there. Still training.

 

“Bokuto-san?”

 

He didn’t notice him.

And after hours of training, he was still at it, his usually restless and energetic body probably reaching it’s limits very soon.

 

He called out again. This time, louder.

 

“Bokuto-San!”

 

It was a matter of seconds in which Bokuto finally noticed Akaashi, looked over to him and missed his spike completely. And then, his feet landed onto the ground again. Akaashi could see the sweat dripping from his captain’s forehead from right where he was standing at.

 

“Akaashi?”, his captain asked in confusion, standing there a little dumbfounded while the ball finally stopped bouncing around and the hall was once again silent. “W-what are you still doing here? Didn’t yah want to get home?”

 

“That’s true but I forgot my jacket..”

 

“Oh okay.” There was a short grin on Bokuto’s lips before he walked over to the ball. It was gone again just in that moment as he turned away from Akaashi though. He wasn’t feeling well. And Keiji wasn’t stupid enough to buy his strange behavior. Usually, Bokuto was energetic and had always something to say - or yell. And something inside of Akaashi waited for Bokuto to ask him if he wanted to toss to him again. Even though he knew that Akaashi wanted to leave, he would always ask if he would stay a bit more in the gym.

 

This time though, the gym was unbearably quiet. Crushing in a way. And Keiji didn’t know what to say to make it better. Crushing him further as he walked on towards the bench where his jacket was still placed. Still as neatly folded as before, with Bokuto’s carelessly thrown halfly on top of it. As always.

 

He could already hear the sound of Bokuto’s running steps, could hear him jumping and spiking the ball to the ground yet again, a little too hard so that the ball bounced off a wall across the field, bouncing through the hall. The only sound that was present besides Bokuto’s heavy breaths and Akaashi’s heartbeat.

 

And Akaashi was standing there for an eternity or maybe even more, just staring down at their jackets while listening to Bokuto’s restless steps, his spikes and the way Bokuto’s breath got harder and harder each time he got the ball back into his hands. Until…

 

“How bad is it, Bokuto-san?”

 

Silence. Unbearable and heavy silence and even though Keiji wasn’t looking at his captain directly, he could feel the other’s gaze lingering on him. Still, the black-haired didn’t dare to turn around just yet. His gaze still fixed on their jackets.

 

“Huuuh?”, he could hear Bokuto’s voice disrupting the silence. And he could already hear the wide grin on his lips. And it was fake, that’s also something that he heard from the white-haired’s voice. “What’re you talkin’ about ‘Kaashi? I’m fine.”

 

At that, Akaashi finally turned around to meet Bokuto’s gaze still lingering on him. Those shining and golden eyes staring right at him. Right through him.

 

“Bokuto-san please-”

 

“What about you, Akaashi? ‘You feeling okay? You seem a bit tense. Is everything alright?”

 

That was the moment where Akaashi’s eyes started to widen. Because Bokuto, the one who seemed awfully tense, who seemed out of character and who seemed as if he needed someone to talk to, just looked at the black-haired with honest and deep concern in his eyes.

 

“What?.. What are you talking about?”

 

But he didn’t give his captain any chance to answer, instead, Akaashi took another step forward, looking straight into his captain’s eyes as he spoke the next words. There was something in his expression that was just so off to Akaashi. It was something in his eyes. Those beautiful and shining eyes seemed so much more clouded this evening.

 

“How bad is it?!”

 

And once again there was silence. Akaashi felt something like guilt creeping up his spine, considering just how aggressive his voice had sounded. But he didn’t apologize, nor did he let his gaze wander off.

 

However, Bokuto was the first one to interrupt their eye contact, now staring down at the ball in his hands, fumbling it around and spinning it between his hands. He was avoiding Akaashi’s gaze now, biting down on his lower lip and if Akaashi wouldn’t have been as close as he was, Koutarou could have hidden that action of his.

 

And god, Akaashi knew that Koutarou was careless. He knew that he didn’t look out for himself as good as he should. He ran outside without an umbrella when the sky was practically falling onto them in giant waves. He ‘forgot’ his scarf at home or gave it to someone else that needed warmth while outside it was snowing and also freezing. He forgot to eat when he was too much into training so that he started to feel dizzy now and then.

And now Akaashi also knew that Bokuto would rather ask if someone else was okay than to admit that he was in fact not.

 

A whole new side of Bokuto, Keiji didn’t expect to discover. Usually the captain was pretty open with his feelings and emotions. Everyone knew when he was happy, pissed off or entering his ‘emo-face’ as they called it. But this? This wasn’t some childish reaction to his spikes being blocked multiple times. This wasn’t him being pouty because his strategy didn’t work or because Akaashi didn’t look for the third time in a row, as he was trying to show off to him that he could - for example - catch 10 grapes in a row with his mouth.

 

No. This was him, holding back not to cry in front of his setter. And it broke Akaashi’s heart ro pieces.

 

“7.”

 

“7?”

 

“Maybe 7.5..”, he whispered quietly, his voice shaking slightly, but there were no tears yet.

 

“What-”

 

“Out of ten. You … asked how bad it was. That’s my answer. 7.5.” He still wasn’t looking at Akaashi though. Now biting his lip again, probably bruising it in the process. Or at least that’s what Keiji feared.

 

Keiji on the other hand, didn’t quite know what to say to that now, but he knew that actions probably said a lot more than mere words. So he took another step forward, enough to see just how tense his captain really was. How his muscles seemed to work, even though he was just holding a ball in his hands. This, however, came to a halt as soon as Akaashi reached out to put his hand onto Bokuto’s gently, slowly taking it in the process.

 

And finally, Bokuto looked up from the ball, allowed his hand to be guided elsewhere to hold Akaashi’s. And the ball dropped to the ground. “Akaashi…”

 

“It’s okay…”, the black-haired mumbled with a soft smile on his lips taking the other hand in his own as well, holding both tightly. “It’s… going to be okay.”

 

“..’Kaashi…”

 

“I.. am by far not as good in this as you are… but…”, the setter took a deep breath, looking back into Bokuto’s eyes once again. “Whatever… it is that is bothering you. You should know that I’m listening. And … if you don’t want to talk, well…” Another deep breath and another notch higher on Koutarou’s ‘confusion-scale’ as Akaashi took a step back, letting go of Bokuto’s hands in the process. Instead, the beautiful setter widened his arms slightly, waiting for his captain to get and comprehend the gesture.

 

It took a moment or two. But then, he saw Bokuto’s eyes widening, at the same time, he could see them glistening just a little more, before his strong arms wrapped around Akaashi’s thin figure, burying his face into his setter’s neck. And Akaashi embraced him as well. Not as hard as Bokuto’s arms did, not hard enough to probably leave bruises, but their captain had always been quite strong.

 

Koutarou took a deep breath in his arms, shaking and unsteady… and another, before he finally began to sob. Before he finally let it all out. His grip tightening just a little more, which caused Akaashi to be pressed against the strong figure of his captain. He didn’t mind though.

 

“It’s going to be okay… I promise to you Bokuto-san. It’s all going to settle in. It’s all going to be alright if you give it time… Tomorrow is another day already.”, Keiji quietly mumbled into the mess that was Bokuto’s hair, feeling just how incredibly soft it actually was, even though his captain styled it the way he did. Incredible but nothing he wanted to pay special attention to at the moment.

 

It took a few moments, a few more tears to be shed onto Akaashi’s top - which was already soaking wet and Keiji just wondered how his captain achieved that in such a short time - before Bokuto raised his voice again. Shaking and quiet, only barely hearable for Akaashi who was so close to him now. He could actually feel the other’s heartbeat through the fabric of their clothes.

 

“... Thank you, Akaashi….”, he mumbled quietly and Akaashi could feel another wave of tears hitting his shirt the moment after. He could feel Bokuto’s breath on his neck and he could feel the grip on the back of his shirt tightening just a little more. But still, he didn’t hurt him. Even though his grip was tight, it was like his captain knew very well how to hold back in this moment to not hurt his setter. This was far from over. So gently, he ran a hand up and down the broad back of his captain, drawing patterns onto his shirt  in the process.

 

And it was in that moment that Akaashi wanted to say something to soothe him again, but instead, an amused sound left his lips, causing Bokuto on his shoulder to fall silent for a moment. Maybe out of confusion. “I-Is everything okay, ‘Kaashi?”, the captain asked quietly, now lifting his head off Akaashi’s shoulder to look into his face. And oh, just how messy he looked. His hair was either sticking to his forehead because of tears and sweat, or it was pointing in every direction that was physically possible. And Akaashi chuckled quietly.

 

“Sorry… You… just look rather cute right now.”, without thinking further, Akaashi raised one of his hands to gently put a stray strand out of Bokuto’s face. Which caused his captain to blush furiously. Now he just frantically started to wipe away his tears as if his life depended on it. Also he probably wanted to hide the fact that his face now matched the color of Nekoma’s uniform.

 

“... You just… reminded me of a quote I once read online.”

 

“Huh? Which one?”

  
Akaashi just smiled though, shaking his head a little, before he began to run his hand through Bokuto’s hair again.

 

“‘Kaashi come on…”

 

“Weren’t you crying just a second ago?”

 

“Don’t change the topic!”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“You are!”

 

“No.”

 

"I would never."

 

"You just did!!"

 

"We should get going, Bokuto-san. I think the gym's going to get locked up soon."

 

"O-Oi! Wait!! Akaashi!!!"

 

 

_Only the gentle are ever truly strong._

_And Bokuto Koutarou, captain of Fukurodani and a lovable idiot, was the strongest of them all._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed so far!
> 
> Kudos and/or Comments are always appreciated and keep my writers heart beating.
> 
> Have a lovely day and I hope we'll all find a friend like Bokuto at some point!


End file.
